Deborah Gyapong: Hillbuzz on effects of childhood sexual abuse on gay men

Hillbuzz on effects of childhood sexual abuse on gay men

I am a big fan of Kevin Dujan over at Hill Buzz, while I don't necessarily always agree with him. He responds to a question from a mother of a gay son, who asks whether the sexual abuse of the young boys at Penn State will make them gay later in life.

Here's an excerpt of Kevin's thoughtful response to give you food for thought:

You might find this controversial, but I believe there are clues to a person being gay that you can indeed pick up on if you are attuned to them. In the majority of cases you can tell if a boy is gay by looking at his eyes and watching his behavior. I have no idea if this is true for lesbians and I don’t want to speculate, because I have absolutely no ability to tell if a woman is a lesbian…but I have never been wrong about guessing if a man is gay. I can see it in his eyes, hear it in his voice, and detect it in his mannerisms…no matter how hard he tries to conceal who he really is.

It’s not magical Gaydar…but just the observation of the secret behind the eyes that is bursting to get out, and the nervousness that comes from constantly trying to hide who he is inside…even at a very young age when boys as young as 5 or 6 clearly realize they act and think a little differently from the boys around them and start doing their best to fit in and tamp down those mannerisms.

It’s my opinion, based on the stories I’ve heard and everything I’ve read and observed on the subject, that sexual predators clearly detect the signs of a young boy being gay and in many cases decide those boys will be the victims. If you ever want to watch a good movie with this them, rent DOUBT (starring Amy Adams, Meryl Streep, and Phillip Seymour Hoffman). The mother in that movie (Viola Davis) realizes her son is gay and takes an odd stance towards him being abused.

Not all boys who are abused by people like the coach at Penn State grow up to be gay, but I bet there is a disproportionate number of gay boys who end up being abused because the predators detect them and choose them for victims…perhaps figuring these boys are the least likely to tell anyone about the abuse (for fear of outing themselves), or maybe that the boys would enjoy what’s happening and not want to tell.

I will tell you this: when boys who are abused sexually grow into men, they are much more likely to be promiscuous and become addicted to smoking, drinking, and using drugs.

Writing this response to you, I sat down with Justin and between the two of us we came up with about 35 guys we know in Boystown who have told one of us that they were abused in some way as boys. There is a clear trend in all of these men:

* almost all of them are the kind of guys who go to bathhouses, have unprotected sex (“barebacking” in gay terms), cheat on their boyfriends, have very short or nonexistent relationships, and sleep with strangers on a regular basis

* these guys all drink heavily and the majority of them smoke at least a pack a day

* they all do drugs

* these guys burn through their paychecks with reckless abandon and don’t seem to think much about the future

* MOST, but not all, of these guys end up having a fetish for older men…and tend to gravitate towards guys who are the age their abusers were when the rapes happened. For instance, one guy who’s grandfather abused him still has a thing for Santa Claus types. A lot of the guys who were abused get into the kink and leather scene too, where a lot of these older guys also troll for sex. A small percentage of the guys who were abused as kids end up wanting to be the older person in the relationship who is paired up with a young “twink” guy.

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